Battle of the Sexes

Battle of the sexes is real.  Everyday, I watch countless couples battle for supremacy in their relationships.  Each spouse trying valiantly to be in control of everything from arguments to the remote.  We mistakenly define control as safety, or a place of individual peace, yet many couples will never experience these traits because of each persons inability to give up control for the sake of the other (or the relationship).  This battle is a TRAP and is often the beginning of the end for many marriages.     

The battle couples face is against the forces that seek to separate them.  When a couple see's that the battle is not with their mate, but with outside forces (like emotions or the world) they can find the opportunity to think from a higher place and to find compromise a wonderful alternative.  You see in marriage, to lose is very often to win, and to be weak in battle, is to be strong.  A least we forget that God is ever on our side, a wonderful ally in deed.

2 Cor. 12:9, "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that power of Christ may dwell in me (and in my marriage-dvc)." 

13 comments (Add your own)

1. Mhmt wrote:
Great job, Rob. This post puts into words everything I've ever otguhht about marriage over the years. Everything.I also think, when people are contemplating marriage, there's a possessive' thing that goes on sometimes too. I tend to find some people often have too much of a desire to call the other person my wife or my husband and it's often for the wrong reasons. To me, both of those labels create an immediate image about what a wife' or a husband' is in our heads. We can't help it or fight it though, we've been conditioned, over centuries, to see what we see when we hear those words. To me, what my brain always conjures up is something from the 1950 s mixed with a little Stepford Wives and, it always seems to involve oven-gloves! Yikes! Anyway, anyway, this is certainly not something that screams partnership' in my brain. More like ownership,' if I'm being entirely honest.Ultimately, with images such as these permeating our subconscious, surely the other person will always fail to live up to you ideal of what a wife' or a husband' is? I guess some people (the one-in-a-million who are right for one another, or those who are wise enough to adapt accordingly) are flexible enough to adapt and reassess their views, if marriage is not everything they hoped it would be. But, in my opinion, most people just can't do this and therefore marriages fail as a consequence. Plus, if people really otguhht about it long enough, surely a wife' or a husband' is not really something people truly want, anyway? It's certainly not something I want.What I want is someone who brings as much to the relationship as I do. That is all. I prefer it when the title my girlfriend moves on to become my partner. This description, of whom and what this other person in your life is, sounds so much more like a relationship of true egalitarianism to me. Surely this is what people want? What the word partner says to me is, I actually really, really want to be with this person because I love and respect them. Girlfriend' is fine for a time, but if the relationship is going to move further, then partner' is what I'd be striving for certainly not wife.' Girlfriend is almost a little frivolous and immature sounding after a while. Hmmm, maybe that's another reason why people decide to marry? They can always change it to partner, though. Partner has a much more serious and grown-up air about it. Oh yeah, and it even sounds much sexier too!

Sun, March 11, 2012 @ 9:24 PM

2. Bayu wrote:
he will do anything to try to work this out with me and to try to prove that he can be trust wohtry again. I feel like my list is harsh, but I also feel like the situation warrants it. I was just trying to be honest with him about what I personally would need for this to work. He has the option to do it or to not do it, but I want him to know that its not easy and its not overnight. I told him that I foresee these rules sticking around for at least five years. It will take a long time for me to be able to trust him again.This is very hard, and I want to be able to trust him again, but he needs to earn it back by proving he can be trusted again. He says he's alright with all of these rules, but I waver between them being too harsh and them being totally necessary. When we go to counseling I would like to someday set a date where if he has proven his trust then we will put this all behind us. Please tell me what you guys think. Does this make sense?I asked for help, not criticism. I've already decided to try to work it out with him.1. We have no kids.2. I never said anything about belittling him. I clearly said a million times this is about trust. Sorry but I thought everything was perfect until I found this all out. I can't just trust him again when I didn't even have any suspicions anything was wrong. He needs to earn back trust, and if he isn't willing, then working things out doesn't mean that much to him, and I can move on.Why is it always once a cheater, always a cheater ? I cheated once, for very similar reasons (I was going through a rough depression). But I got counseling and I never cheated again. People cheat again because they don't get help and they don't put the effort it takes to not do it again into it.I'm not manipulative, and ANY wife would care if he had sex elsewhere. Also, he didn't tell me. I found out without him telling me.

Sun, March 11, 2012 @ 11:21 PM

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