Everything listed under: Marriage

  • Marriage of hope

    It is so hard for couples to move forward without the looking backwards.  We develop a mental script that makes us unable to see beyond the past hurts, pains and infractions inflicted on us by our spouse.  This in my opinion is a path to nowhere!  We can not move forward while looking backwards.  This is how we recreate the past by living in it.  Many a couple has become stuck in this futile dance only to lose themselves and their marriage.   There is a be...

  • Sacred Marriage

    Tonight, Heather and I started a study entitled "sacred marriages" at the church we are attending.  One of the first statement's made by the author was that "if you want to expose your sins, get married".  A tough statement, for sure, but also very accurate.  Marriage has been known to bring out the very best in people, and the very worst.  Marriage is not designed to make things easier.  Two very different people trying to live a life together is an easy recipe for...

  • Battle of the Sexes

    Battle of the sexes is real.  Everyday, I watch countless couples battle for supremacy in their relationships.  Each spouse trying valiantly to be in control of everything from arguments to the remote.  We mistakenly define control as safety, or a place of individual peace, yet many couples will never experience these traits because of each persons inability to give up control for the sake of the other (or the relationship).  This battle is a TRAP and is o...

  • Grope

    In marriage, couples must take the time to talk.  This was an easy task when you first met.  I am sure you and your spouse spent hours just sitting together talking.  In those days it didn’t seem like work, it was effortless, and you probably enjoyed each moment learning more and more about you’re soon to be spouse.  Take it from me you don’t have to stop learning.  Have you ever wondered what you don’t know about your spouse, even after all your time together?  We ...

  • Love

    Couples in conflict today seem to be stuck in the negative.  We can develop a sort of tunnel like vision, where all we see is the negatives of our spouse, disregarding any and all other aspects.   The negative is so much easier to see.  We have been brought up in a negative generation with a core that is primarily negative in nature. However, God calls us to Love our spouse, as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5).  Christ Love is sacrificial in nature.  ...

  • Commitment

    Feelings and emotions, while real, do not make a marriage.  The enemy would have us believe that our feelings define our relationships.  However, feelings come and go, but a commitment is forever.  A commitment to the Lord says, regardless of my feelings, I will seek to please the Lord.  A marriage is a commitment to God and your spouse.  Feelings come as a result of commitment, not before. Proverbs 16:3, "Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be establi...

  • Marriage Struggle

    I have been touched lately by so many marriages in conflict.  Marriage was never intended to be easy.  As a matter of fact, some have argued that it is an impossible relationship.  Two people with different emotions, personalities, background and expectations in the same house, doesn't necessarily spell peace and tranquility.  Conflict is not a matter of if but when.  And many times this conflict does not end happily every after.  But I want to encourage a...

  • perception2

    In marriage perception is often reality and reality often is perception. I find couples in conflict many times because they are trying to change their spouse or their spouse’s perception of a specific topic or event. The problem is that your spouse is different than you and changing them is about as likely as an Oklahoma snow in July.

  • team

    I have seen many couples that can’t help but see things from an individual perspective. They are so tied up competing with their spouse that they fail to see that “two have become one”. If couples could start seeing their relationship more as a team sport and less as an individual event, changes might start happening.

  • competition

    Competition is good when it comes to marriage.  Not necessarily between spouses, but a marriage that competes together is very effective.  In churches Heather and I have attended through the years there is often a time during the service where the pastor will recognize a couple that is celebrating a big anniversary.  Usually this is a 30, 40 or sometimes even 50 year mark for the couple being recognized.  I have developed a habit of telling Heather at the time of the rec...

  • the royal marriage

    Unless you've been living under a rock somewhere, you are aware of a rather big wedding happening in the next couple of days.  Now I am not a big fan of all the attention being paid to this royal event nor of the royal family in general, but I am a big fan of marriage and I believe this is a wonderful illustration at how much importance society places on the act of marriage, even today.  God designed marriage to be a big deal, and it is not a coincidence that p...

  • voices

    Do you ever hear voices??  You know voices telling you your husband is lazy and doesn't listen.  Or voices telling you your wife is uncaring and cold.  Very often in marriage we hear voices that tell us our spouse doesn't care about us or our marriage.  Do you ever wonder if this is the enemy at work??  John 10:10 says, "The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy..", and this is what he wants to do to your marriage.  I believe v...

  • Unconditional Love

    Eph.15:33 calls each man to love his own wife even as himself.  If you look back a few verses it also says in verse 25 that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ also loved the church.  I take these scriptures to say that there is no greater priority in my life than my wife (regardless of how she is treating me!).  God made our wives to need to be valued, prized and loved unconditionally.  That means that my highest priority as a husband is whatever i...

  • Respect

    Lately, I have seen a number of very strong women enter counseling with difficulties in their marriage.  Now please hear me when I say, marriage is about two people, not one.  However, when a man is not allowed to lead and is neglected respect, he very often will not be what he desires as a man, nor will he be the man his wife wants him to be within the marriage.  God designed men to need respect, and without it they very often feel incomplete and a failure.  N...

  • not good enough

    We all have special talents and gifts, however sometimes our best is not good enough.  So many times I try to control the outcome of the game.  I make the mistake of believing if I work hard enough at something I can make it happen.  Take marriage as an example, if I am not totally committed to the relationship, there is little Heather can do alone to make it a success, regardless of her desires and abilities.  At times only God can touch the hea...

  • Finish Line

    Today we had what hopes to be Heather's last CT scan.  It has been a long, hard fought battle, but we see victory around the next bend.  Through the challenge of her recent illness, I have a new appreciation for marriage and God's place within this sacred union.  In my experience, it is not always enough to love someone, to truly live and love within the bonds of the marital relationship, you need more.  God provides the more, and the blessings that marriage was intended...

  • Unconditional Love

    In Ephesians 5, Paul tells husbands and wives to love each other sacrificially.  We can often feel that love within our marriage is one-sided, that you or your spouse loves or gives more than the other.  This can cause bitterness, guilt and difficulties in a relationship that doesn't need anything else to make it a challenge.  A very important aspect of a healthy marriage is to focus on loving the other, not out of results, but out of obedience.  I love not bec...